I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
