Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
