Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
