So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
don't judge my taste in strippers
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
