he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
