I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
