This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
