i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
