Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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