I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
