like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
