Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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