My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize