You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
