I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
only if we run a train.
done.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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