come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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