I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize