It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize