Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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