I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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