if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
