physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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