Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
now i know why i became what i already was.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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