You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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