sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
