I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
