I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
