he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm like, not good at living.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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