You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
