I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Small penises have feelings too.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize