Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
