We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
