Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
