yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
