Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
