i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
