How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
