yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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