I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
