Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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