he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize