Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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