its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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