So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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