so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
