She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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