She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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