she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
