so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
