Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
