No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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