That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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