One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize