i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
