I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize