She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
