Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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