he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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