so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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