So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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