We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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