porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
