I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
