So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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