That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
