I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
