I feel great
I just peed on a car
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
