You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
