I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
