yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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