Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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